Searching For The Answers
I’ve always been cynical about big spending. This is probably due in part to my upbringing I used to love online writing and searching on the internet in general: My grandparents raised me, and since they grew up in the web design city, they valued hard work and perseverance over marketing. Plus, as a searching video game, I don’t have that much money to spend on big-ticket items for video games.
I was a few days short of reaching my tenth birthday at the time. As soon as I stepped into the third bus that would bring us to the big city, I began to break into a sweat and started to feel my heart pounding faster and louder. I gripped the edges of the bus seats and clutched the arm of my aunt. She told me the theater would be an hour’s travel. Halfway into the travel, I started telling my aunt various reasons to go back to her place or to go home.
All this searching made me feel a little nauseous
I would tell her that I had post traumatic anxiety and felt queasy in the stomach, that I was about to vomit and that I was feeling dizzy. She looked at me worriedly, and then she told me to close my eyes and try to sleep. She thought I was just motion-sick. When we arrived at the theater, instead of being consumed by joy and excitement.
I began to feel like running away from the big red back door, and I did not feel safe. I feel as if that big red door would swallow me and that everything horribly imaginable would take me apart piece by piece. As we plunged into these new unknown waters, something stirred in me that gave me a little pluck. I decided that, since I was half-dead already, I might as well be brazen and wade out a little farther to see if I could find anything useful in these so called untested waters.
More than one night of searching
I decided to take the text book and attempt the homework searching problems on relative extreme. Just the thought of doing this aroused such anxiety that I had to literally psych myself up to take the book and open it. But open it I did… and the rest as they say is history. I did the first astronomy searching. With reluctance, I opened to the back of the text to check the answer. Having had an abundance of experience with checking the answer and seeing nothing that resembled mine, I was quite shocked to see that this time the book answer agreed.
I was shocked, and I must say, elated all at the same time. My pluck started to wax. I had the nerve to try the next problem. After some minutes of intricate calculations that come from taking, setting equations to zero, and solving; What do you know? Another match. Without paying attention to the lapsing time, I knocked out the entire homework and did not get a single example wrong.
Yes, I was able to finish the entire assignment successfully
Because of this, I was overjoyed. No. I was not dumb as I came to believe. No. I was not mathematically illiterate, as I came to accept. Yes. I could indulge in the higher spheres of learning, like calculus, philosophy, and science. I always thought people who insisted on driving around in long, expensive vehicles just didn’t have anything better to spend their money on. Nevertheless, I took the assignment.
The next class session I entered the room in Europe, not as a beaten, downtrodden college student, but sort of like Tom Hanks in the movie “Big,” when, after he had spent the night with his coworker, entered his office and barked out to his secretary: “Coffee, black!” All joking aside, I came in like gangbusters, ready to take on any problem at hand. At this point, I was certain that I could whip this calculus thing and get a good grade.
Well, the results of that fateful “calculus homework” night soon became evident cause on my next lecture test I got a solid A. The professor wrote, “Great turnaround” on top. Now I was even more energized. Right away, I started filling in the gaps and relearning what I could not get just a few weeks and months earlier in the semester. I mastered the technique of differentiation and the art of integration. I could do my searching and solve the applied max-min problems and get the right answers. I became a math animal.